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| So i havent updated in a while, and i've been wondering why. Yes, its because ive been busy, but is that it? Theres always something for me to do, and not enough time for me to do it. Coming back from spring break, where there were no schedules, no alarm clocks, and no deadlines, i came to the realization that i dont know how to go to bed unless im exhausted. I realized that when i lay down, my mind is racing with things that i need to get done. Im thinking about all of the true friendship opportunities missed. Im thinking about friendships not ruined, but tainted by me, because im too busy. When was the last time that i just sat down, me and God, and just talked to my savior, with nothing else on my mind? Honestly, i feel that ive stepped backwards in my "spiritual walk", to use a cliche, and im painfully aware that thats not something that a class president, or a worship leader, or a cedarville student is supposed to say.
So how really does one reinvent himself? How does one change when he is knee deep in the life he has already? I know something needs to change, but im not sure how. I know that prayer is the answer, but I'll admit that i think i can fix myself. I know that i have to "give it all up to God", to use another cliche, but i'll admit that i dont know how to completely let go of the pretense that "I can handle it"
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Its frustrating to know that there are many people like me who struggle, especially here at cedarville, but no one says a word. It doesnt make me a "bad" Christian, just a human one. Honesty is the best policy, except in the church, it seems. The sad thing is that in my heart, i protest this vehemently, but my actions express otherwise. I'm guilty too.
well i guess im done writing. Actually, my thoughts are pretty scrambled, and typing them wouldn't make much sense.
goodnite.
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| So Junior jam was this weekend, and it was amazing. Tag never gets old. We also went to see Batman in Huber Heights, and that was pretty cool too. Yeah Mike. You go boy!
One thing that i admire about Christ is that he could walk through a crowd and see individual people. I'm not very good at that. There are alot more people who are much more qualified to be class president than i. Sometimes i wonder why he chose me. Its awesome to know that God's in control, because I'm always clueless. It's kind of cool not knowing exactly where he's leading you. It definitely makes life interesting.
Ahh yes. Waiting on God. Still quite the experience... | | |
| Yeah. today wasnt such a great day. | | |
| Much of my time is spent listening. Music is a perpetualty in my life. Im listening to and from classes, when i get to my dorm, in my car, everywhere. When im not listening to music, im usually listening to someone else, or someones listening to me. Theres not alot of silence in my life, and i like it that way. Theres alot of quiet, but not alot of silence. I'm beginning to wonder though, how much of my life is spent listening to God. I'll admit that im not very good at it, but im beginning to question my level of effort. I dont want to just hear him... i want to hear, to listen, and to apply. God speaks to us through quite alot of things, especially music...
Its funny when youve decided that you're ready for something, you have no idea what choice you have to make.
Its funny when you pray for something, God seems to be the most quiet that he's ever been...
waiting on God has never been a comfortable experience, but the results are so much more enjoyable... I have to remind myself of this.... | | |
| Wow. Its been a while.
Im back in school and everything is great. Now that i have a car, i wont be stuck on campus when i want to go somewhere. Ill admit that having a car does make you lazy. Classes wont be too bad this semester, so im happy.
Im pretty tired, so this post is gonna be a short one. ill post something bigger later
Peace | | |
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